Yankees vs. Red Sox, Tupac vs. Biggie, and now Valentina and Nikki have joined the ranks of the fiercest foes of all time. Who knew?
We begin this week where we left off: Valentina and a drunk Nikki get in a fight! What a shock! Alicia remarks in her talking head that Valentina’s “seventh sense” must have gone off. So she can see dead people and what else? What is the seventh sense??? Tell me!
A distraught Nikki calls her mom, who joins an army of classy Bad Girls parents when she encourages her daughter to punch. Nikki reacts by pouring chips all over Valentina’s vanity. Take that! Later on, however, she does Google how to fight two girls at once because a soldier always has to prepare for battle.
Valentina discovers her crap covered in Tostitos and… pours salsa all over them and digs in because why waste free food. Oh wait, that’s what I would do. Instead, Valentina pretends to not care, but then she squeezes lotion all over Nikki’s bed. Such bad a*ses!
Oops, I spoke too soon because they then go at it on the stairs. I can’t even keep track of how many times they’ve fought this season, and there have only been four episodes! Yikes! After the fight is broken up, Paula pulls Nikki aside and tells her to chill out. Stephanie, on the other hand, thinks that Nikki always plays the victim and she’s dooooone with her.
The girls split up to do different fun activities. Nikki goes to get a tetanus shot because Valentina bit her, that seems medically accurate. Not. Shannon and Stephanie hang out at the house, and Alicia, Valentina, and Paula frolic somewhere in Atlanta. Everyone at this point has pretty much turned against Nikki.
That evening, Shannon’s on-again-off-again boo, Ian, comes over. Shannon explains that he’s loose as a flip flop, whatever the hell that means. The other ladies are determined to get them both drunk so they’ll have sex. Valentina even leaves condoms on their bed. And I throw up a little in my mouth.
The next morning the girls discover a picture of the new girl. They all fawn over her because she’s so pretty! We, the lucky viewers, get to meet her before the house does. Her name is Jenniffer, she’s 21 and a stripper from Cali. Uh oh I feel a new East Coast/ West Coast rivalry coming on between Jenniffer and Stephanie! When she finally arrives, all the b*tches swoon over her like she’s 2001-era Britney Spears. Stephanie reverts back to her lesbian ways and lusts after Jenniffer, who turns out is trying girls out for the first time. Ka-ching!
Later on, everyone goes out to the club while Nikki stays home and plans her getaway. She calls Mommy Dearest and reveals that she’s about to explode and she’s afraid she’ll get violent. This time Mom actually suggests the mature solution… to go home! So go home Nikki does, packing her clothes into trash bags and hopping in a car to the airport. Sayonara!
The six girls arrive home later, and they’re drunk! Paula goes bananas when she realizes that Nikki has left the building without saying goodbye. She finally calms down when Jenniffer starts showing them her stripper moves.
The next day Shannon’s man Ian returns to the house with a bunch of friends who Valentina describes as “bottom of the barrel.” But sweetheart, they brought beer! Free drinks! At any rate, even though Ian bonked Shannon just days before, he starts flirting with any chick with a pulse. He tells Jenniffer he wants to watch her and Stephanie go at it. Everyone’s a little disgusted. Shannon confronts him, and he comforts her by saying that he would also like to see HER hook up with Stephanie too so she shouldn’t feel bad. What a gentleman. Shannon kicks him and his friends out. No one will disrespect her!
With the men out, the drama in the house is at a minimum. The girls start predicting who Nikki’s replacement will be. Jenniffer has a baaaaadddd feeling about this one.
So are dark clouds on the horizon? Will there ever be peace at the Bad Girls Club for more than 5 minutes? We’ll just have to wait and see . . . .
Liz Out Loud
Check out a sneak peek from next week's SO new episode: