Remember the first time you wore make-up to middle school, and you were SO excited because you felt so grown up? And then the most popular girl in seventh grade, let’s call her Amber, made fun of your shoes (who knows why) and you cried and cried and cried and that mascara that you so carefully applied wound up all over your face?

Well, that’s what Janae looks like after her fight with Valentina. Home girl is a HOT MESS. Alicia takes her aside and tries to comfort her by telling her she needs to chill out. “If you can’t take the heat get out of the fire,” a wise Alicia says, except she means kitchen. Tomayto, tomahto.

The next morning, our token stripper/lesbian Stephanie decides she likes men and calls Andre from Love Games, whom she had met the night before at da club. She invites him and any and all of his friends over for a pool party.

Meanwhile, Janae, who is no longer drunk (I think) apologizes for the 4874th time. We should take a shot every time she says she’s sorry! But then we wouldn’t get through the episode because we’d pass out first. But I digress. Nicole is not ready to accept her apology because it’s the same thing every day. If Janae is actually sorry, she needs to change her behavior.

Shannon, Valentina, and Alicia go out shopping where they pick out tasteful items like studded bras and glitter tops. Back at the house, Stephanie teaches Paula moves on the pole and Janae calls her friend Amon and whines that she wants to go home, sort of.

Later on that night, Andre shows up with his friend Sean. Big crowd! Stephanie and Andre go in the hot tub and Nicole and Paula encourage them to make out, which they do. What a fickle lesbian Stephanie is!

The boys go home and everyone goes to bed for the night. Surprisingly calm! The next morning Alicia and Paula burn pancakes and start a mini food fight in the house. Everyone laughs! I am shocked that they are all being so chill. This can’t last…

Alicia calls her younger brother Michael who is 22 and inked. Apparently he’s going to visit, and Nicole is excited because maybe he’s hot? But then later on in the pool Alicia says that her brother would never go for a girl like Nicole. Burn!

It’s getting late and some of the girls are wasted so it’s prank time! Shannon, Alicia, and Janae mix together a concoction of sour cream, ricotta cheese, and cranberry juice (yum!) and apply it to Paula’s bedspread. She laughs about it. Nicole, meanwhile, is disgusted, pointing out that this could attract bacteria and sh*t. So Shannon starts cleaning it up, while denying that she was part of the prank in the first place, and this infuriates Alicia. They start freaking out at each other, though Alicia definitely seems more bothered than Shannon. There are accusations of being fake, girls having sex changes, and the presence of camel toe. That escalated quickly.

The dust settles slightly and all the girls go out to a club because why be mad when there is booze to drink. But then Alicia gets mad at Janae because Janae thinks Alicia is fake (oh geez, how original.) Nicole encourages them to talk it out. They seem to sort of make peace, or not, but at least they calm down. Tired Janae goes to the limo to take a nap.

The next morning, Alicia is still pissed at Shannon. Oh the days when Alicia was the nice one! She approaches Valentina to talk about who they should send home first: Shannon or Janae, who is still acting like everyone is out to get her. Turns out Shannon had apologized to Valentina in the confessional, telling her that she only dates black guys and stuff so she’s totally not a racist. Keep digging yourself deeper, Shannon. But ultimately they decide to target Janae.

Another house meeting is called. Seems to be the business of the day. Valentina decides to do Janae a favor and pack all of her stuff into garbage bags and put them outside. Janae doesn’t even seem that angry, just resigned. She brings all of the goods back inside.

So will Janae go home??? We will soon find out!

Till then—

Liz Out Loud

Check out a sneak peek from Tuesday's SO new episode (@ 8/7c) here:

Hey all- Dios Mio. I can’t believe it has finally come… part 3 of the Bad Girls Club Mexico Reunion. Are we ready to say adios to these chicas? Will Erica “pretty girl bounce” one more time? I hope so!

So… we pick up where we left off: Erika whooping Julie’s a*s. As Erika (and others) will point out later on, Julie can talk the talk but has trouble walking the walk. She just sits there while Erika wails. I guess she only fights back in the confessional?

Now it is time to talk about happier things like… sex! The big story, of course, is Falen and Julie’s lesbian rendezvous. Julie admits she’s bisexual so it’s no big deal, while this was Falen’s one and only Sapphic experience. Zuly is a bit jealous—she wanted some of that Julie! Oh well, maybe next time! Julie and Falen reveal that they are now just friends WITHOUT benefits. Time to make your move Zuly!!!http://features.oxygen.com/videos/Bad%20Girls%20Club/Season%209/Interviews/vid:2606683

We know, of course, that Zuly made PLENTY of moves in Mexico. During her stay in the house, she made out with Julie, Ashley, Rima, and Falen (ok so Falen has had two lesbian experiences.) If there was a superlative for “Most Accomplished in Hooking Up with Roommates,” Zuly would win! Tanisha then asks the most important question ever… who is the better kisser, Falen or Rima? Because it’s been a few months since they’ve been in the house, Zuly decides she needs to refresh her memory, and her mouth. So she plants a wet one on Falen, and then a REALLY sloppy one on Rima. While she doesn’t officially declare a winner, methinks Zuly prefers Rima.

The conversation next turns to Erika’s departure from the house. She says that she was sad to go because she didn’t want to say goodbye to Christina. Julie confesses that she was also upset when Erika left, but Erika calls Julie’s bluff. They then start arguing over who planted the seed to bring up Rima’s kid… was it Mehgan, Julie, or Erika? Naturally there is no real agreement, though even Tanisha thinks that Julie planted a bug in everyone’s ear.

Mehgan and Rima then examine their own friendship, or lack therof. Mehgan admits that she doesn’t like Rima, but she apologizes to her for being mean and judgey. Tanisha remarks that Rima has a big heart which causes Rima to tear up as she felt like she was on trial for much of her stay at the house. Sure, she kept her cool, but inside, apparently, she was a mess. But now she and Mehgan have called a truce.

However, Mehgan still has issues with Falen and Julie. She mentions how Julie talked trash about Falen, which Julie denies. Mehgan also accuses Falen of being a broke b*tch who stole her lotion and perfume (though she DOES admit that Falen looks good today. Mehgan can give credit where credit is due at least!) Julie replies that Mehgan left those items in their room, though she does she reveal she donated one of Mehgan’s David Yurman bracelets to a homeless man back home. Riiiight. You know you kept that!

Tanisha observes how quiet Julie has become here at the reunion while she was the master manipulator back in Mexico. Julie responds it is because she has grown up, while Erika thinks it’s because she’s scared when she’s not in the confessional. I think it’s a little bit of both. Hey, I wouldn’t want Erika mad at me either!!!

Mehgan also wants to be on Erika’s good side. Smart girl. In fact, she has brought her a bottle of cranberry juice because she knows how much she likes it!!! Mehgan was originally going to give it to Rima (and by give it I mean pour all over) but now that they have quashed their beef she wants to instead donate the juice to Falen and Julie. Which she does by dumping it all over them! Julie slips and slides all over the floor while Erika and Christina prance around chanting, “I don’t understand!” Andrea takes this moment to whip out the mustard she brought and squeeze it all over Julie. I guess karma’s a b*tch!

The dust settles and everyone returns to their seats. Julie looks like she got caught in a storm of condiments and juice, but she acts like she’s in control. Erika confesses that she wants to hit Julie again, and Mehgan says that she has to go to the hospital because she broke a nail during the scuffle. Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, so she leaves to treat her bleeding finger. And here I thought a Band Aid would be sufficient.

Tanisha decides to lighten up the mood, so she brings out strippers to help celebrate Julie’s birthday. Zuly’s all, where are the girl strippers? Alas, you can’t please them all.

We’re winding down now and Tanisha asks all the girls if they’d do it again. They all say yes. Tanisha calls for a moment of silence for all the food and weaves that were destroyed. After paying their respects, Erika teaches Tanisha the “Pretty Girl Bounce” (thank God!) Erika hugs Rima, Andrea hugs Ashley. Yeah, I think to myself, we’re ending on a high note. But then Christina takes the cake and says she doesn’t like Ashley, Falan, Rima, or Julie. So instead, she just hugs Tanisha. Hey, you gotta start somewhere.

So there you have it. El fin de Bad Girls Club Mexico!

It’s been fun—

Liz Out Loud

Reunions ROCK. For example, this Thanksgiving I have my high school reunion. I am SO looking forward to reminiscing about the past; like being on the math team, getting voted most talkative in the yearbook, and buying gum from a sketchy bodega one town over. It will be the best!

However, I don’t think the Bad Girls Club Mexico reunion will be quite so calm. In fact, I think it will be more like Custer’s Last Stand than a time to get drunk with old mathletes. Let’s see if I’m right! Onwards!

This season they’re mixing it up a little—it is going to be a three part reunion! Three parts! That’s better than two! We meet the girls sprinkled around LA, where the reunion is taking place, I wonder if they got deported from Mexico?

We see Falen and Julie first, who, despite being part-time lovers in Cabo, are now just friends. Then Rima and Ashley meet up elsewhere. They haven’t seen each other since they left the house, which I think is funny because they both live in Chicago. Who knows. Then Jersey/Christina and Andrea gather at another hotel. Meanwhile, Mehgan and Erika prepare for battle at a bar and b*tch about the other girls, especially Julie. And finally, Zuly and the other girl whose name I always forget (oh right, Natasha) meet up too.

So now the teams are set and it’s time to join forces for the epic battle yet to take place. Rima and Ashley meet up with Julie, Falen, and the pile of straw resting on Falen’s head. They talk about how they think it’s going to go down and boast that they are not afraid of anyone. Yawn.

Erika and Mehgan play the same game, but I believe them because they are tough ladies! Mehgan reveals that she is going to bring a bottle of cranberry juice to the reunion to dump all over Rima. This upsets Erika not because she cares about the destruction of property but because that is a waste of cranberry juice! She could be drinking that! Just as long as her expensive weave doesn’t get ruined, though, unlike Andrea’s “thirty dolla holla” she is okay. And that’s when I die a little. Erika’s hair looks like something I’d buy at Ricky’s for my Halloween costume from the discount pile for $3.95. She has no business talking about low budget weaves!

Elsewhere, Falen and Julie confess their underground lesbian sex relationship to Rima and Ashley. They are actually surprised, and Ashley wants to know the logistics of how that works! Details woman! Remember, Ashley’s head is filled with Starbursts and Fruit Loops and Skittles so these concepts can be difficult to understand.

The preparation for battle is winding down. Erika teaches Mehgan the “I Don’t Understand Dance.” They meet up with Christina and eat delicious pizza which makes me jealous because I’m on a no-dairy diet at the moment.

And now it’s time… well, after hair and makeup!

And now they are ready! Bad Girl Queen Bee Tanisha Thomas is hosting, and she introduces the six girls who were last standing in the house to the stage: Julie, Falen, Rima, Ashley, Zuly, and that other one (oh yeah, Natasha.) Tanisha observes that Julie lost a lot of weight. Turns out she lost thirty pounds by chain smoking and not taking birth control anymore. Sounds healthy and safe!

Tanisha’s all, you were the last ones standing, you kicked the other girls out of the house, or as Falen was prone to say, flicked them out like boogers. And I think to myself, who flicks boogers out of their nose after age five? I use a tissue to blow my nose and then toss it gently in the trash can. But maybe I’m being too literal.

They review the season. Tanisha asks Rima how she could become friends with Julie and company after the way they treated her at the beginning. Surprisingly, she has a mature answer: they apologized; she accepted it because she had to live with them and it was better to avoid drama. She goes as far as thanking Julie for treating her like crap because it made her stronger. Okay. I prefer doing squats, lunges, and push presses to increase my strength… but that’s just me.

So far everything has been peaches and cream. But we know that is going to last as long as Julie’s lesbian phase. Because now Tanisha invites Andrea to the stage. She enters wearing a classy get-up of black leggings, a studded bra, and a Minnie Mouse bow. She’s half cartoon, half ho. And home girl is ready to fight! She accuses the other girls of jumping her, then she accuses Rima of looking at her sideways, then she has words with Ashley, AND THEN everything devolves into screaming. Sorpresa.

The episode ends and we are promised two more weeks of batsh*t craziness. I can’t wait!

Till then—

Liz Out Loud

Part 2 of the reunion airs Monday at 10 ET/PT! Check out a sneak peek here.